Grit: Five Minute Friday [Wednesday]

five minutes with no editing...linked with Lisa-Jo at The Gypsy Mama
It sometimes requires grit, this loving God and loving people thing. It is not an easy thing to face the reality of a Kingdom battle that fights from victory and yet still has the losses and the casualties of a war not yet won. A prophetic whisper tells of what might be, and it is hard to bear alone. This burden is not mine to carry - it is His - but still I must hold it and pray it. I am not alone never ever, but knowing that God is there is sometimes less comforting than a hand that I can hold. I cannot and do not want to live a life separate from God and His love and the sacrifice that that demands. He did not compromise when it came to me - Jesus saved me and restored me and (beyond my comprehension) loves me. Wholly. Walking away from my calling [a calling I cannot yet entirely articulate, beyond a deep yearning to change the world so that it is His will and His love that rules and reigns, so that hearts are healed and made whole and people are set free from all that binds them] would be a compromise. Where else would I go? Where else could I go?

A man's promise

A Man’s Promise from Christopher Beaudoin on Vimeo.

A prophetic word spoken word for the hearts of women.

Naturally Supernatural

We are currently in the process of recovering from a four-day conference that happened at our church - Naturally Supernatural. We had some incredible, truth-filled teaching from Christy Wimber and we saw God move in power and might, and mercy and peace. We saw physical healing and a beautiful depth of emotional healing, amid an outpouring of His Spirit and under the glorious weight of His presence. There were tears and there were hearts breaking for the brokenness of the world, and I would rate those four days as being among the best in my life to date. 


I completely love getting my hands on people and seeing God bring healing and anointing - it speaks to me of what church is about. We are there to worship God and have fellowship with one another, and to be made whole through those things. The church needs to be a people of hope, pursuing wholeness and healing, so that those who don't know Jesus yet can see something about us that is different. Yes, we are broken and we mess up, but we know that there is grace for that, and that gives us hope. The gifts of the Spirit are for the church, yes, but they are also for the church to take out into the world. Describing the blessing that a prayer, a word of knowledge, a word of encouragement, a word of Yes, I see you could bring goes beyond my ability. We are called to move in the power of the Spirit inside the walls of the church, and out of them. Maybe it'll take a gust of Holy Spirit to take down those walls once and for all and see the people of God released into the world to bring light there. Light and truth and love. 


The conference was amazing; that I have no qualms in saying. There is something about conferences, though, that gets me a little itchy in my skin. At a conference, faith and expectancy levels are high, and they rise, and Jesus walks in the room, and they rise some more. The moves of the Holy Spirit build and lives are changed, and then the conference ends. So-called real life beckons and we return to the normal of praying-for-a-headache-and-not-expecting-anything-really. The sneaky lies that God does not want to heal come back, despite the fact that I want to see that lie smushed. I want to live out the point of the conference - to live naturally supernaturally, and to know that His heart is always to heal and restore, and to always expect Him to move. This is not about four days. This has to be about life. 

A somewhat belated Valentine's post

As part of my internship year, we have the opportunity to go on overseas trips with Mike P, who spends around 6 months of the year travelling. The options this year include Australia (twice), Cambodia and Malaysia, Canada, and Holland (also twice). The trip I can't get away from (and can't remotely afford) is Canada, and I am steadfastly praying for the trip's estimated cost - £1060. Last Tuesday, two extraordinary people in my life told me that, because of what Daddy has been saying to them, they'll match my money if I manage to raise half the costs. Since then, I've been given a further £100. How's that for a Valentine? An I love you, I love you, I love you from the One whose love stands undoubtable. 

Words from a not-yet Mama

A letter to my babies.


Dear babies,


As I write this, I do not know that I will ever get to meet you. I'm not dating, let alone married. I have a sincere hope that I will one day get to hold you and love you, and at the same time, I worry that I could never be a proper mama to you... I want to live sold-out to Jesus, and I worry that I will leave you neglected and broken. I released my best friend, a precious man with whom I fell in love, because Daddy told me to. I lean into the pain of it and rage and weep, but I am obedient. So what if He tells me to walk away from you? You, my flesh, my blood, my heart walking outside my body? What then? Or what happens when He calls you to love His people, away from a place and space where I can see you and call you 'safe'?


The only answer is to trust Him with you. 
(And honestly? It is a fight, on this, and so many other things.)
I have to trust Him. Now, while you are dreams and whispers, and then when you are a wriggling bundle of newlife in my arms, and then when you are grown and can run wild and Spirit-filled into the world to be salt and light and love.


The only way to not get hurt is to numb your heart and not feel at all, and I am too far gone along this openhearted journey for that. I practise my Mummalove on those around me who need it, about whom Daddy whispers to me and asks me to be His hands and feet and arms. I nurture and protect and fight and pray and  speak His truth where I can, and I wait breathless for the day when I can tell you about Him. I wait, and I pray. Always, I pray.


With love, and a heart that aches to know you,


Your Mumma-to-be


xx

linked with the lovely Sarah for the 'Practices of Parenting' Carnival

In which...

...I want to run for the hills and find a way to soothe my aching heart. Any suggestions?


Please?