For 2012, I choose the word love. I don't know what that will look like, but I want to explore love as a verb and as a noun, how I am loved, and how I love others, and how I love my Daddy God and how He loves me, and what I will do for that love. Radical obedience and surrender and excitement and passion and family and friends and writing and reading and living... Looking at love seems to cover all that catches at my heart. For that, love is the perfect word for 2012.
(That, and the persistent whisper from Daddy that this word is His choice for me.)
I have begun this year by surrendering to His will, by releasing to Him a person that He asked of me. A dear and special friend, gifted to me by Daddy for a hard and dark and redemptive season, someone whom I love with the whole of my aching and broken heart. Someone whose dreams I got to hold and speak life into, all while he held my hands and spoke life into me. I thank Daddy for him each and every day, and I am giving him back. I will hold him in my heart and my prayers, and I will see what Daddy does with us. It feels like a radical pruning - a rose bush may produce beautiful flowers, but the master gardener knows that sometimes it must be pruned back until it could be mistaken for dead, so that something more beautiful and more precious can come with the regrowth.
I am finding it hard to explain my heartsadness to those around me, because I cannot find the words to say what has happened - it is too deep, and too heavy. I am longing for someone to hear my heart and walk with me and just say, 'I know.' For the past year, the very person I have just let go is the one I would turn to. For now, I will weep in my Daddy's arms, obedient for the love of Him. I will seek Him, and see what He does with me.
No comments:
Post a Comment