Just Write

As part of my attempts to just write instead of making sure everything is just right, I am linking up to Heather at The Extraordinary Ordinary, who is developing an online community where people have the freedom to just write. She is wanting us to understand that there is meaning in everything, and that the extraordinary can be found in the ordinary. 


Heather offers writing prompts to aid this free-writing exercise, and her recommendation is to write what is happening around you as you write. So that is what I will do...


As I sit here, I am waiting. I am waiting for maman and lil sis to come home from work and school, I am waiting for the sun and the air to get a little cooler so that I can walk to the shop without getting burnt, I am waiting for something to happen, I am waiting to hear from a friend, I am waiting to be able to move to Watford. I am impatient for the next phase of my life to begin, and I am so sick of this waiting. No matter that the caterpillar has to wait to become a butterfly, no matter that my character is not yet developed enough to be able to fulfil all the dreams that are on my heart, I want it all now. Waiting seems passive, and that is something I struggle with. I am very much a doer. For years, I developed a pattern of feeling that I needed to be doing things in order for people to love me. This past year has been a year of unlearning that and breaking the lies that trapped me in depression. (The horrible d-word. I don't write or speak it over myself if I can possibly avoid it.) But still, nothing-doing makes me restless. I want to be doing something more active than waiting - waiting is a verb, a doing word, but that is belied by its seeming passivity. 


I can feel the beginnings of a call to make my waiting more active, by waiting on Him. Investing in my relationship with Him, focussing on my identity in Him and just taking this waiting-time to rest and recharge and renew. Maybe this time is a gift? How often do you get given the gift of a month? I can soak and dive into the Word and go deeper and deeper; this is an opportunity, not a curse. It is too easy to complain, and I become a broken record that even I am bored of. Hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Halt. Stop. Go back to where there is life.